To: All Operatives cleared for access to virtual Safe House
Subj: Declass-ified taradiddles and other stories
From: Control

Pursuant to the provisions of the Truth and Misinformation Act, Section VII - #%? - 3.14159 (a), I have instructed the custodian of the Safe House archives to release the following Class-ified documents to scholars and certain assiduous researchers of Safe House lore.

A Brady in Milwaukee...

The Sound of Music was in town, featuring Barry Williams. So Barry comes in, whispers the password and lingers in the vestibule. In comes a group of three girls in their early 20s. One of them doesn't know the password, so Mr. Moneypenney requests her to prove she's not a double agent. She has to stand against the wall next to Barry (whom she doesn't recognize). He asks her to  sing the Brady Bunch theme song to be let into the club. And Mr. Moneypenney tells Barry to help her along if she needs prompting. So, she starts singing the song and he feeds her a few lines. About halfway through the song, she takes a good hard look at the man feeding her lines to the song, and she starts screaming and crying and shaking, saying, 'Oh, my god, it's Greg Brady!!!!' Mr. Williams was very gracious and even came back the next night to tell Mr. Moneypenny how funny it was that he had this girl sing the Brady Bunch theme to Greg Brady.

What an agent must do to get married

On May 16, an envelope was slipped under the door of Hein's office in the Capitol. It contained a message directing Hein to be at the Safe House restaurant in Milwaukee by 5 p.m. She called Snyder, who said he knew nothing about it, other than he had been given a message to pick Tanya up and have her in Milwaukee by 5. Hein knew better, of course, but wasn't sure what was up. When they got to Milwaukee and walked by the river holding hands, she thought, "Is he going to ask me to marry him?" But they had no special ties to Milwaukee, so why there? The answer was at the spy-themed Safe House restaurant. When Hein opened her menu, there was an envelope inside with her initials and the words "top secret." Inside, a note began: "You have been assigned a mission of extreme importance."
[Full Story]

Trench Coats and Fishnets

I recently visited Milwaukee and was amazed to see the Safe House still operating. I worked there as a cocktail waitress
during the sixties, shortly after it opened. We wore several different costumes, including a short trench coat and fish net stockings. We also wore a turtle neck sweater and net stockings at one point. Congratulations on keeping to the initial theme! (Agent Jo An Porrine, Sacramento, CA)

Tender was the Night at the Safe House

...my boyfriend and I first discovered our romantic feelings for each other while at the Safe House almost a year ago. We are from Oklahoma and were in Milwaukee for a conference. We were just friends and coworkers at the time and decided to have dinner together. We had the most amazing conversation during our dinner and realized that our friendship could have potential for something romantic. We are celebrating our "Safe House" Anniversary this Friday, and I thought I would share with you that because of the Safe House, two people are very happy!!

Tale of A Password

I just wanted to take this opportunity to say you guys ROCK!!
I was recently in Wisconsin for the first time and my boyfriend
and his friends took me to the Safe House. Walking in the
door...I was a bit nervous...I did not know what to expect. Well
of course I had no idea what the password was so I had to
embarrass myself by...hula hooping! Going inside there was so
much to look at..unlike the clubs down here in Columbus. Safe
House is a great place...I have told so many of my friends about
it and that I hope they could go to it one day...don't worry the
password is safe with me!!

The Rich, the Famous, the Quarter Poor.

After enjoying a relaxing post show evening at their Safe House in Milwaukee, acclaimed magician David Copperfield and super model Claudia Schiffer wanted to exit the Safe House via the secret escape route through a phone booth which, as most Safe House agents know, requires a quarter to call the operator for the code # that activates the concealed exit door. But, whadaya know, neither David or Claudia - who between them make circa 50 mil a year - or their bodyguard had a quarter! A kindly Safe House Operative gave David a coin.

Something to Sing About

While Milwaukeeans flock to hear the Vienna Boys Choir whenever the famed group performs at the Pabst Theater, the young choristers themselves flock to the nearby Safe House for a bit of R & R and spy adventure. They like introducing newbies to the famous spy haven and watching the Safe House Chief of Deception ply his spycial tradecraft.

None for the Road

International rock star, Mick Jagger, was whooping it up a bit too much at the Safe House one night after his Summerfest gig and was invited to leave. Later, he was overheard at a nearby fast food oasis asking what the bloody hell he'd done to be tossed out of that "that spy pub" down the street.

Run 'Em In

A couple of befuddled out of town Agents stopped a police car in downtown Milwaukee and pleaded "Whereinhelzthesafehouse?" The officer said "Hop in", and within minutes dropped them off in front of the understated but imposing entrance to International Exports Ltd.

Bye, Bye, FBI

A team of G men were tailing a guy down Front Street when he ducked into International Exports Ltd. The Feds followed and were stopped by a young woman sitting at the telephone switchboard. They asked where the man was who had just entered. "Have you been followed? ".... "Do you have any weapons on you?" asked Ms Moneypenny. The surprised Feds were finally "cleared" for access to the Safe House where they spotted their man near the Hong Kong section. They watched as he entered a phone booth, but... he never came out! They later learned the booth was a cover for the escape route. The CINC of Propaganda and Misinformation informed the Feds that if they had caught their man they would have had to let him go. Why? because Control grants diplomatic immunity to everyone while visiting the Safe House.

Mum's the word

People Magazine sent its agents to interrogate the Safe House Station Chief in Milwaukee. The agents turned on the cameras and fixed the Station Chief with a strobe light shining directly in his eyes. "Now come clean," said one of them ... "all we want to know is just how many spies you've harbored at the Safe House since 1966? Just the stats, sir, just the stats." But the Safe House Propaganda Department had done its job well. The Station Chief didn't crack under pressure: The only info he gave them was his code name, rank, and VIO number and under dire threats of exposure, said only that the Safe House is covert; overt figures cannot be divulged.

Marx Nixes Religion

When the Safe House held its Great Bridge Caper to celebrate the opening of the Wells Street Bridge over the Milwaukee river, every spy came incognito and Control gave a prize for the best spy disguise. Many agents voted for the agents who came as "pregnant nuns" but the agents who came as the Marx Brothers were voted most authentic.

If you have a Safe House story, yarn, anecdote, tale that you'd like to DeClass-ify and share with your fellow agents, please send your story, yarn, anecdote, tale to the Chief of Propaganda and Misinformation c/o: Control@safe-house.com